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Hi.
This is my old weblog archive and is no longer actively updated. Please visit this link for my current blog.
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Michael's Diary -- 2001-2003 Archive
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3.08.2001
Yesterday I was so exhausted, mentally, that I couldn't stand it. I stayed home from the office today mostly to prepare for our trip to Philly tomorrow morning for Pop-Pop's memorial, but also because I just couldn't deal and needed some rest. A new wrinkle appeared today: the Big Kahuna is flying back from the Netherlands to talk to us personally about this. Unfortunately I will not be there but my boss is trying to schedule a phone conversation with the guy. Ideally he will "give us an out" if we can persuade him that the option we have been left with is untenable. But the fact that he is flying back here, I don't know, could he be that incredulous?
So today was a little sleeping in, a little making breakfast, a lot of laundry and tidying around the house, and a bunch of job searches while listening to the Pat Metheny Trio. G came home after my late lunch of a grilled Jarlsberg on dark rye. Yes that's right, comfort food rules the house at present. Don't worry, a reboot will come soon, after we ride out the waves of STRESS.
I gave her a ride to school -- it was her last class, finals are next week -- and stopped off at the computer store to pick up some cheap computer games to divert my attention from the grim realities of the week. Came home for a bit, then went to pick up G. Packed, tried forever to fix something on G's PC -- finally figured out how but it would take hours. Played a quick game and checked email, and now at 3:00 in the freaking morning I am going to bed to wake up at 7. Yuck. Plane at 10, Philly by 1pm ET. I don't know if I will have time or inclination to post the next couple of days. If I don't, it's because it's a tough couple of days. So what else is new.
2:50 AM
3.06.2001
Yawn. I have about had it with these emotionally exhausting days. And there are more to come in this week, I'm afraid.
Woke up today mighty achy and grumpy. I was on my feet most of the weekend so that explains the achy part.
Today, met with a representative of our company's Canadian office. Learned that the Chicago office will remain as a training center. My option is to stay on as a 100% travelling consultant, or a 100% trainer. Neither is in line at all with my goals, values and interests. But I didn't dismiss it out of hand, just to keep my options open. Tomorrow, supposedly, we should have some info on the severance/unemployment option from my boss. I say "supposedly" because he has been working on getting it approved but I have my doubts about the willingness of the Big Kahuna bean counter to approve it. Anyway, then I will have a clear picture of options and can decide appropriately. In any case I am sending resumes out all over town.
Meanwhile we have a funeral to attend. I managed to get a bereavement fare from the airline, thank goodness, and we will be departing for Philly on Thursday morning. The memorial service will be Saturday at Saint Dorothy's church in Drexel Hill, PA. So far I have not got any word on flowers, donations, etc. but I will check into that tomorrow.
After getting "the word" at work I came home so I could give my sweetie a ride to school -- it was windy, bitter and I sure didn't have anything else to do. We got to hang for a little while and I drove her downtown. I came back home and had some supper (tortellini in marinara w/ cheese) and spoke with G's folks to give them the lowdown on our flights and offer a plan for me to give assistance during our time there. I know they will be hit a a lot harder with all this when they all get together -- I loved Pop-pop of course and he was an awesome, righteous dude. But I don't have a whole life of having him there, so maybe I will be able to relieve the burden of some of the tedious crap that still goes on around you and demands your time when sad times come. I know when I am not 100% I always appreciate it when somebody relieves me of some chore or other. So I will stay alert.
After that, I played a quick round of X-Wing to blast some of my anxieties away. There's this one massive space battle I can't get past! And it's a pretty low level. I guess it's back to blasting wamp-rats on Tatooine for me.
Then it was time to go pick up G and her friend Wendy from school. I made an executive decision to go to Ben & Jerry's. Yes, I am supposed to be limiting fats etc. Right now I am taking my pathetic wee pleasures where I can get them.
Then, home. I have been hitting the job sites on the web all night now. My eyes are dry and tired. I am beat. I hope for good news tomorrow -- at least some closure. My brain hurts.
1:45 AM
3.04.2001
We had some really unfortunate news today. Genevieve's grandfather, Jim Sell, known affectionately as "Pop-Pop," passed away in his sleep last night.
It's quite strange because we had mentioned him quite a lot the last week or so. He was a dear guy. Always ready with a (clean, but sometimes slightly naughty) joke or a baseball tale or two. He watched a lot of baseball in his time but the recent strikes and so on kind of sapped his interest in the big-leaguers. He was a close pal who had a really tough year in a lot of ways. He seemed frail but fine, but his passing was quite unexpected. The cliche always is, "well, passed away in his sleep, if you've gotta go..." It wouldn't be a cliche if it wasn't true. And thinking of it now, you must have, I bet, extraordinary peace of mind to pass away in your sleep like that. Like, a very clear conscience: you've done what you were put here to do and you didn't do what you weren't supposed to, you didn't bitch about either, and you feel like you and the Lord have an understanding. I am sure it is the case here.
Anyway, we will be heading to the Philly area on Thursday.
G needed lots of support today. She was real close with Pop-pop and is just very sad.. I made a voyage to the store to get some treats and enough food for the week. Got some G favorite snacks. Then whipped up some major comfort food. Three-cheese mashed potatoes, fried pork dumplings, and fried rice. I cooked up lots of extra and divided the extra into portions for the fridge and freezer. With out crazy in-and-out schedule on weeknights it insures there's always a hot meal available. G and I will have a stressful week -- I will get the word on the job tomorrow or Tuesday. Then cleaned the kitchen.
Now, there are some to-do's I've been intending to get to tonight. Guess what?
9:49 PM
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